blank

  1. the thought that i am blank, there is nothing there
  2. the thought that the fire has gone out and cannot be relit
  3. the thought that i do not desire anything
  4. the thought that there is no creative urge in me
  5. the thought that i might be a ghost
  6. the thought that i continue to wander around performing some of the things i know i’m supposed to
  7. the thought that there is no joy in doing that
  8. the thought that there is nothing at all in doing that
  9. the thought that sometimes i can and sometimes i cannot
  10. the thought that i do not understand what the difference is
  11. the thought that when i can it is not because i want to
  12. the thought that when i cannot it is not because i do not want
  13. the thought that this should terrify me
  14. the thought that none of this is ever coming back
  15. the thought that none of them are ever coming back
  16. the thought that this day, over and over, for the rest of time
  17. the thought that i might not have that much time left
  18. the thought that what if the tms does not work
  19. the thought that what if it does and they put me on call the day after i go back like they did last time
  20. the thought that what if it doesn’t and i go back to work anyway and they put me on call the day after i go back like they did last time
  21. the thought that it’s only downhill from here
  22. the thought that i’ll never get a job in this town again
  23. the thought that why did they scale down my app
  24. the thought that have they suspended my pay
  25. the thought that there is no safety net
  26. the thought that i’m fucked if i can’t make it out of this
  27. the thought that i will never understand what i did wrong
  28. the thought that the ship has sailed on that one
  29. the thought that i lied to a grieving woman and it didn’t do me any good anyway
  30. the thought that she’s remarrying and i still haven’t got divorced
  31. the thought that all that happened on the same timescale
  32. the thought that i might not be good at anything
  33. the thought that i am broken
  34. the thought that all of this broke me
  35. the thought that what didn’t kill me has left me enfeebled
  36. the thought that they cannot fix me
  37. the thought that i cannot seem to focus on anything
  38. the thought that should i even be driving
  39. the thought that it is not ok to dissociate so much when you are driving a car
  40. the thought that i cut that person up because i was just hoping for the best and that is not a good plan
  41. the thought that what will i do if this doesn’t work
  42. the thought that whether it works or not she’s never coming back