just don’t seem to bind together like they used to, feel more like an awkward mosaic that might suggest some vague meaning but they don’t fit or show a coherent, discernable image, there’s no joy in words, writing does not intoxicate me, certainly not mine but yours too, and i did once envy your writing, or was it more that i envied your belief in, your passion for, stupid fucking words that are all dead to me now, haemophiliac, bleeding freely, anaemic, alchemy, adore you, heavy boots, i’m sorry, i miss you, should never have, intruded, not then, not the first time, fucking beautiful, will never understand how, i’ve never felt closer when you were so distant, not just, but also, no kissing, i’m sorry, i’m indignant, i deserved more, i never should have, emma, wondering what day it was when, it was decided i could never, come back, did i mean so, little and did you, lie to me or was the, truth always there, in plain fucking writing, in language i did not, understand
words